My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
