WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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