Where did you get a picture of my penis
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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