I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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