I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Randomize
