Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Randomize
