Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
