Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Randomize
