Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
