Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
