guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
