I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize