I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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