Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(609): View more from New Jersey

you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it

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(540): View more from Virginia

birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex

(703): View more from Virginia

I'm on my period, period, period

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(240): View more from Maryland

this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.

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(817): View more from Texas

As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.

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23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Read it at the TFLN blog
(812): View more from Indiana

These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.

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(313): View more from Michigan

There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?

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(213): View more from California

You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.

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(763): View more from Minnesota

I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy

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(503): View more from Oregon

I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.

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