i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
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Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.