Texts From Last Night

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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  he fucked me so hard my future children felt it

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  (502): he fucked me so hard my future children felt it http://tfl.nu/ioph
  Replies (43) Good night (11452) Bad night (953)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?

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  (908): how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer? http://tfl.nu/a07e
  Replies (20) Good night (6636) Bad night (1111)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.

  (407): View more from Florida

  yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.

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  (813): his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call. (407): yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer. http://tfl.nu/agts
  Replies (10) Good night (3111) Bad night (913)
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  (281): View more from Texas

  I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.

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  (281): I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car. http://tfl.nu/4osg
  Replies (8) Good night (587) Bad night (1641)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  I think the camel was justified in biting me.

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  (413): I think the camel was justified in biting me. http://tfl.nu/yr0l
  Replies (8) Good night (1712) Bad night (704)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again

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  (509): With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again http://tfl.nu/qu3m
  Replies (3) Good night (823) Bad night (1075)
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  (805): View more from California

  Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate

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  (805): Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate http://tfl.nu/qxeb
  Replies (5) Good night (2032) Bad night (577)
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  (661): View more from California

  random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them

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  (661): random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them http://tfl.nu/utqt
  Replies (1) Good night (1406) Bad night (523)
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  (435): View more from Utah

  Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.

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  (435): Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday. http://tfl.nu/eusa
  Replies (4) Good night (971) Bad night (477)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.

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  (404): You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car. http://tfl.nu/j1re
  Replies (3) Good night (973) Bad night (1124)
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  (607): View more from New York

  Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.

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  (607): Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun. http://tfl.nu/atlx
  Replies (6) Good night (607) Bad night (1896)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.

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  (770): I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid. http://tfl.nu/3jns
  Replies (2) Good night (1412) Bad night (338)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.

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  (203): Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker. http://tfl.nu/9u82
  Replies (4) Good night (900) Bad night (396)
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  (909): View more from California

  If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.

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  (909): If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3. http://tfl.nu/6vn1
  Replies (2) Good night (675) Bad night (313)
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  (316): View more from Kansas

  Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.

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  (316): Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running. http://tfl.nu/b6k8
  Replies (6) Good night (970) Bad night (470)

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