The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize