im holly from the hills drunk
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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