She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???