well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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