One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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