Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
