fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i would punch a child for taco bell
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
