the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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