we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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