in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
