Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize