Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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