Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
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