Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
