It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
