i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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