Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I need to align my fucking chakras
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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