Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
