WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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