Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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