Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Damn victory sex feels great
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
