So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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