What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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