halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
