um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
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You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
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If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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