how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
