so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
