Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
