Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
