i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
