Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
