he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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