Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
