Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
