Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Randomize
