We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
