I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
