I didn't shave. On purpose
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
