Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
