your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
tell me about the eggs
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