My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
