I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize