I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
