I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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