I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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