you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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