My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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