Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
