I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
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