She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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