so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I enjoy the company of your penis
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
