My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
