he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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