The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
