so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
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