Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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