I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
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I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
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What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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