shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
